Firstly, thank you for the kind and supportive words I’ve received about last week’s tribute to my friend Dan. I’m touched that sharing about him has resonated and inspired people. That is always my goal with these posts and particularly last week.
As you can imagine I’ve been pretty sad, which has probably made me do something that a lot of us do when we’re sad: spend more.
Some things have been well spent. I flew to New York just for fun last weekend and am traveling to Dan’s memorial service in San Francisco this weekend. Spending money on these experiences is aligned with my values and within my budget so no regrets there.
But then there was last night’s spending spree on a boatload of stuff! It momentarily distracted me and made me “happy.” It took my mind off what’s been consuming it and I was temporarily in hog heaven (also known as ULTA — the makeup and accessory store 🙂
I guess I wanted to make myself look better to feel better. I momentarily bought into the thinking that my happiness could come from the outside in. Of course it doesn’t work, or at least not for long. Fortunately the return policy is 60 days so I haven’t done any permanent damage. Phew! I’ll see how I feel about what I bought and whether they were smart purchases before the 60 days are up.
So while I understand the urge to buy to make yourself feel better, I don’t recommend it (unless there’s a phenomenal return policy and you’re good at scheduling the return date!! 😉
Spending while we’re sad makes it more likely that we’ll spend more money than we otherwise would on things that we don’t really want or need. In other words, we’ll forget our values and budget, and the worst part is that this spending doesn’t actually heal the sadness. It can actually make us more sad and lead us to feel worse about ourselves when we are hit with a heavy dose of buyer’s remorse. The adverse effects are multiplied exponentially when it makes us go (further) into debt.
From everything I’ve learned, it seems that the cheapest and most effective cure for sadness is just being sad, and trusting that we will survive it and ultimately be OK. I’m committed to coming out of this sadness a better person.
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